Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
a search helicopter?!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
