We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
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You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
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She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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