I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
