the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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