just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
