Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
