You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Michael Bay diarrhea
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
