dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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