glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
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You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
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Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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