somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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