In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
