Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
