Duck Duck Cougar?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I want to be your penis for a week.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
