It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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