Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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