i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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