At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
