Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
