idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
