How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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