so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
