While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
