Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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