Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
