as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
