You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
