How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
