I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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