mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
