My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
