he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
