If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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