....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
