Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(702): View more from Nevada

I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha

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(954): View more from Florida

Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.

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(720): View more from Colorado

maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.

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(770): View more from Georgia

You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.

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(518): View more from New York

Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future

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(812): View more from Indiana

She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

why does every cop we meet know your name?

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(318): View more from Louisiana

Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.

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