dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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