U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
