Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
