Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
