I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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