i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
