Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
