Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Life is so much better after having sex.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
