I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
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Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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