If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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