i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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