So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We smell like vodka and hangover
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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