this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
