There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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