this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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