I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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