fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
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she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
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Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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