Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
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I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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