she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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