mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
