Need sex. Gaining weight.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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