I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
