We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
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I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
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We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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