Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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