Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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