so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
