tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
