Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
