don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
