I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
