I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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