He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
