She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
