How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
